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Thursday, February 15, 2007
3:21 PM
work.
why did i EVER EVER wanted to work?
isit bcuz of the money?
isit bcuz im obliged to...bcuz i feel responsible as the eldest?
or isit bcuz i juz HAD to at least work bcuz no other GOOd company wish to hire inexperienced ppl?
DAMN IT ALL.
n now i wish i juz dun have to work.
i dun wanna work.
I HATE work.
wat made me think tt i can bloody well give my best shot n things wld go smoothly?
damn i dunno...
ignorance?
totally no experience?
sigh....n now i know.
Things were nvr smooth. n i dunno if its ever gonna b.
u said everything depends on me.
i can make the change.
wat more change can i make?
IMprove?
in wat? my brain memorizing power?
im an A level kid.
shld i say i regret being one?
juz bcuz i am an A Level kid...
shld i be branded as a SMART one...among all the others.
if these ppl still based on ones highest qualification during work...they r so fuggin wrong.
im an A level kid..
not bcuz i was abt to prove the world tt im a hardworking genius.
im an A level kid bcuz i had no other choice...DAMN IT!
damn u bloody fkrs whu think tt A level kids r spoz to be able to fit in juz nicely juz bcuz we r branded A level kids.
hello.A level is bloody nothing.NOTHING compared to experience.
n here i am trying to find some...n getting somthing i thought i cld handle but rather its eating my already depleting esteem away...
the very ferst day i stepped in the workplace...
n i was pressurized to be able to work better than the other more experienced so-called 'colleagues' of mine...JUZ BCUZ I AM N A LEVEL KID.
am i spozed to be proud n honoured that i got smthg tt is supposedly hard fer the other workers to get unless they slaved their ass off...n here i am getting tt place fer my ferst day juz bcuz im an a level kid? isint it like plain discrimination?
if i were the other workers...id think it as unfair.
n as a new worker myself...i think its plain bloody unfair!
how cld u...expect so much of me to be able to perform up to standard when i am a bloody fresh grad wif zilch experience spoz to b able to handle everything in order?!
im not a born talented to understand everything in less than a week.
its only my third day n so bloody unfortunately it had to fall on Valentines day when the crowd juz fill the place in like ants...
n fer a third day...im spoz to know EVERYTHING. frm ...handling cuztomers..taking orders..keying in orders...memorizing menus...memorizing table nos..knowing wat sauce to get fer wat dish...n pressurized to remember evry bloody drink recipe taught in 2 days bcuz im made de bloody barista juz bcuz im a bloody A level kid!!!!!!!!!
u tell me...
this is wat im spoz to expect fer evry workplace im joining?
n the ppl....the 'colleagues' .....how do i get along....how do i get Friendly....i practically get on their nerves fer mistakes i made n im bound to make n my plain blurness juz get things worse.
how can i not be blur.
how can i appear intelligent juz bcuz im 20 years old n tt im an A level kid.
i really dont know how ok..
at least u have a month at tcc.
i have nothing.
n i can tell u plainly tt i am not having fun..at all.
n i really dunno if i can actually last 4 months there.
a week already seems like hell dragging...
n if ur telling me to be strong n confident..
ur telling ME...ME.
ME whu lacks that in all my life.
i cant juz get that overnight or over a week....
its a lifetime to gain.
SIGHZ for now.
SIghz for every other day..
i dont like going to work...dragging myself to work..with a heavy heart...afraid of screwing things up again...
i juz hate it.
