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Monday, September 17, 2007
1:37 AM
hello.
im always trying to delay my blogging time until its now like 1.30 in the morn.
now im much better off asleep in laa laa land...
and i do wonder wat isit that i want to rant so much abt just now that i cant rmber now.
mayb its about yesterday.
at work.
again ..i know..well i spent my living days at work..n hence things happen u know.
but anws... my buddy partimer mei2... sighz..theres no grace to goof around with. so im left with jus her. well...i dunno why...but mayb my kiddish habits r still intact that we enjoy butt whacking each other so much n pasting scotch tapes on each other secrectly that well....somehow i cld sync with her. n i dunno why...out of all days ...n besides i dun really know her that well...i start blabbering to her the Sadness...thats what she call anw. yeah...life is sadness...i know mine is...sorta...tho i know its not so bad n i know im making a big deal outa it...but having n realizing that i hold n actually feel that big burden of responsibilities on my shoulders...i cant help making a big deal of the Sadness in my life. n im 20...im just 20...heck im still denying the fact that im old.haha.smack me. anw...i was saying...yeah...well that girl....was my sisters age...n at 17...shes lecturing me wat i shld be doing with my life.n i actually poured all my feelings to her...n heck i dunno why.i mean.....i only see her a couple of times a week n thats it...n suddenly after a day of butt whacking each other...im telling her my everything.. i felt weird. n i thot im not an ez one to spill things.
i guess i miss talking to someone. yeah i know...everybodys bz with work .n school....n family n guys..n heck..everything.n i simply miss the part where u simply sit back n chill with a few frens ...share everything...n just have a good laugh. yeah i miss that. and right now..i dun even know why my eyes r watery. mayb my hormones r working overtime...well..i guess im pmsing the emo way..haha.
anw mei2..she juz...made me talked so much..n i felt like...i had to wake up...here is this 17 year old...my sister age...younger then me..here lecturing me abt wat i shld do abt my future. well thats abt it..i dont know wat to do abt my future.i dont know where i shld go from here. n yes i do...n who doesnt want to continue their studies..yes i do...even tho i admit im practically lazy..wch clearly shows on the recent cert that im so shamed of.n all i can do is sigh.bcuz really ..i Dont know where i shld start...or where i shld go.all my life..i had my choices narrowed to either this or that...n now..after this...im left with a million choices that i dont know how to decide wch is better for me...to continue working or continue my studies now.n after that theres a million more choices to work on...god im drained. im drained just thinking abt it. n i dun think i cld stand actually going thru everything n seriously deciding it. n wat im doing now is to stall for time. n i had wasted too much of it already..n no miracle happened...or at least no signs to tell me wat i shld do..bcuz i cant decide by myself.really i cant.
at least sya got a proper job now.even tho the workload is ridiculous...at least ur called secretary n paid something...i think? haha...n yana is happily working at some clinic i guess...n alin is prolly buried in her sch lectures n notes as always...n me...im slaving at some shop n paid miserably. i do realize i have to do something. but i just cldnt bring myself to do anything abt it bcuz i dunno how. call me stupid...mayb i am fer thinking too much. anw let me juz sigh again.
anways..i haven seek my apologies from everyone of you ... since ramadhan is here..ive yet to feel the magic of the month...bcuz...right now im simply mentally drained.
