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Sunday, August 02, 2009
4:42 PM
i thot i decided to ditch blogging.
thot i cldnt see sense anymore ranting dwn here.
who cares anyway ryt.
juz a channel i chosed to let out my thots...or more like complains.
down the days in school.. i had my bestfrens gurlfrens gayfrens n even a boyfren to care n share with.
down the days in camp i had squadmates gurlfrens n also a boyfriend to care n share with.
but im starting the unknown journey of my new worklife. n i really wondered who i cld turn to now. i knew i had to learn how to be independent already. at this age.. i am feeling a lil inferior fer knowing that i need sumone to depend on. or at the very least... sum figure to be there fer me whenever there is an up or down. i want to share watever feelings i haf there.. watever things i did. but i cant. n i cannot do anymore sharing any longer. n knowing that i haf to bottle up everything about my everyday life ... can kill me. i miss my gurlfrens... like i need them everyday like i always used to have since the day i started school. n now... im seriously having problems getting one gd gurlfren at work. mayb not just yet. mayb its juz too soon fer them to open up to me. im not exactly a jolly chatterbox. im obviously reserved. but i cant wait fer the day i can b in that circle and join them in watever it is that can carved a smile on my face and let me feel the sincere warmth n welcome i wanted. haha. asking a bit too much? mayb i shldve make most of the first moves. but umm... i havent complete my observation period yet. i dun think i wldve de tyme to do so. i have homeworks and tests and assessments to go thru u know. n plz.. save me by not asking abt wat i do. i hate talking bt it. not like i despise work totally. im still trying to familiarize myself with it. n i hate commenting abt anything abt it. so plz... juz use ur imagination abt wat im gg thru. if i need... i will tell u... if i dun... plz spare my breath. thank u.
love life?
im beginnning to not believe in it anymore.
its like...ur up there n then ur down.. n crushed.. u tried to be up there again.. n then when ur down u sink even lower. like how sumone said.. its better to let the broken pieces be broken then to try n put it back togather n in the end itll break into a million more pieces n its harder to put it back. or however he said it. u get the point. i dun wana hope n believe. becuz i never imagine myself in this position... n here i am trapped. n i cannot get out. becuz fer now... im sitting back n let time tell if im gona get crushed once again..wch im preparing myself fer becuz i know very well wat im messing with.. or mayb depend hopelessly on my lucky stars that never grant my wish fer things to go how i imagined.
time will tell.
sumhow i dun want to know wat.
